…following
from # 4 JINXED
249 EXT. SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE
gets out of a bus, walks in through the entrance to Sydney airport.
250 INT. LUGGAGE CHECK-IN SYDNEY
AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE
checks in her luggage. The AIRLINE CLERK, JOSIE'S ticket in her hands,
exclaims:
AIRLINE CLERK
It's
not often we get two passengers with the same name on the same flight.
JOSIE'S
jaw drops.
251 INT. AIRPORT CUSTOMS. DAY
CLOSE
ON a British passport photo of Josie (with short pink hair) with JOSIE
HIGGENBOTTOM written alongside it.
CUSTOMS OFFICER (voice off)
…And
you're not taking more than $5,000 of Australian currency out of the country.
VENUS,
her hair short and pink, speaks with a very convincing English accent that
makes her indistinguishable from Josie.
VENUS
I
wish I had $5,000 to take!
The
CUSTOMS OFFICER nods, takes a small parcel out of Josie's carrybag, wrapped in
colorful paper and tied with a ribbon.
CUSTOMS OFFICER
And
what’s this Miss Higgenbottom?
VENUS
A
present for my mother.
The
CUSTOMS OFFICER takes out another similarly wrapped parcel.
VENUS
For
my father.
The
CUSTOMS OFFICER looks into her bulging bag.
VENUS
I've
got a big family.
The
CUSTOMS OFFICER nods and replaces the parcels. As VENUS moves off to join
OLIVER a familiar voice shouts out:
JOSIE
Venus!
JOSIE
standing on the receiving side of Customs, looks at VENUS, who runs back
through the barrier to JOSIE, throws her arms around her and gives her a big
hug.
PASSENGERS
and AIRPORT STAFF alike are amazed by the two pink-haired twins hugging. In a
whisper:
VENUS
Don't
call me Venus for God's sake! What are you doing here?
JOSIE
I'm
on the same flight as you.
VENUS
As
Josie Higgenbottom! You can't. I've just checked in as you.
JOSIE
I
know, but…!How?
VENUS
With
your passport.
JOSIE,
bewildered, looks at the passport in her own hands.
VENUS
Your
replacement passport.
JOSIE
But
I haven't lost my passport!
VENUS
Yes
you have. I've got it. Have you checked in yet?
JOSIE
No,
when I found out that you'd… already checked in as me…
VENUS
Shit!
The computer's going freak if another Josie Higgenbottom goes through Customs.
JOSIE
Why
can't you fly as Venus?
VENUS
Because
my real name's Rhonda and…I've got all these unpaid fines and…
JOSIE
That's
not my problem, Venus. I want my identity back. Pay your fines and…
VENUS
suddenly has an idea.
VENUS
My
fines! Okay, I've got a plan. You still
got that Serena wig?
JOSIE
nods. VENUS rummages around in her shoulder bag, takes something out, suddenly
hugs JOSIE.
VENUS
Trust
me.
JOSIE
Trust
you!?
VENUS
surreptitiously thrusts a blue Australian passport into JOSIE'S hands as she
whispers in her ear.
VENUS
Here's
what you've got to do.
252 INT. WAITING LOUNGE. AIRPORT.
DAY
VENUS
talks on her mobile phone, a credit card in her hand, speaks with a deep
masculine American accent.
VENUS
Yes,
mam, I will be paying off ALL of Rhonda Patterson's fines…
Closeby,
OLIVER speaks on his mobile phone.
OLIVER
Yes,
I'll be paying for Rhonda's ticket with my AMEX card.
253 INT. LUGGAGE CHECK-IN SYDNEY
AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE,
wearing the 'Venus' wig she wore at FETISHES (and as ‘Serena’), stands at the
check-in counter - dealing with the same AIRLINE CLERK who dealt with her
earlier as Josie.
JOSIE
Ticket
for Rhonda Patterson?
AIRLINE CLERK
Yes,
it just came through…
254 INT. ENTRANCE TO SYDNEY
AIRPORT. DAY
NOTCH
runs in through the front doors of the airport
255 INT. AIRPORT CUSTOMS. DAY
CLOSE
ON passport photo of Venus with long wavy brunette hair.
VENUS
can be seen in the background, waiting nervously (OLIVER is buying 'Duty
Free'), as the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL looks at the passport photo of Rhonda (Venus)
and then up to the:
Smiling
face of JOSIE. He looks at the passport photo again and back up to JOSIE before
stamping it.
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
Hope
you have a good trip, Rhonda.
256 INT. DUTY-FREE AREA. DAY
JOSIE
joins VENUS and a bewildered OLIVER, walking through the duty-free area,
towards the boarding areas.
OLIVER
Would
one of you ladies please explain to me…
257 INT. CUSTOMS. DAY
As
NOTCH runs into the Customs section he sees JOSIE, VENUS and OLIVER
disappearing into the distance. He shouts out:
NOTCH
Josie.
JOSIE
doesn't hear him. She keeps walking. NOTCH moves to run after her but a
UNIFORMED CUSTOMS OFFICIAL stops him.
NOTCH
I
need to talk to my wife, who is just about to catch a flight?
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
I'm
sorry, sir.
NOTCH
leans close, pleads with the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL.
NOTCH
If
I grovel?
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
Groveling
won't help, sir.
NOTCH
How
about money!? If I offer you money?
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
Are
you trying to bribe a Commonwealth Official?
NOTCH
Yes.
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
Come
with me.
258 INT. DEPARTURE LOUNGE. DAY
JOSIE,
along with VENUS, OLIVER and other passengers, is just about to board the plane
when a CUSTOMS OFFICIAL (seen only from behind at first) appears at JOSIE'S
side.
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL
Excuse
me, Miss.
JOSIE
turns, looks at the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL in shock. It is NOTCH in a Customs
Official's uniform.
NOTCH
Look,
Josie, I been all over it in my mind and I love you and if you leave now I'll
never see you again and…
JOSIE
You
lied to me about Delores?
NOTCH
I
didn't. Look…
He
produces a packet of photos, takes a photo out and hands it to her. JOSIE
doesn't look at it.
JOSIE
Well,
how do you explain Delores' pink knickers in your shower…
NOTCH
They
weren't Delores's. Just ask Oliver here. Sorry, Oliver, but…
JOSIE
I
trusted you and…
NOTCH
Would
you please just look at the photo, Josie.
JOSIE
looks at the photo and reacts with horror!
JOSIE
Holy
frigging Moley!
CLOSE
ON:
Photo of
Josie, taken from behind (at Notch's) - her back and bottom exposed as she
talks on the pink phallic phone.
NOTCH,
realizing his mistake, opens the packet of photos.
NOTCH
Shit!
Sorry. Wrong photo!
The
packet of photos slips from his hand and scatters on the floor. VENUS helps him
pick them up. NOTCH finds the one he is looking for and shows it to JOSIE.
NOTCH
This
is the one.
CLOSE
ON
Oliver,
at Notch's, resplendent in pink thong knickers and pink bra.
JOSIE
So
it was Oliver you slept with, not Delores!
NOTCH
laughs. As VENUS looks at photos of Brandon taken with the yellow cardboard
camera, OLIVER is looking over JOSIE'S shoulder at the photo of himself in pink
underwear.
OLIVER
(delighted)
Can
I keep this?
CLOSE
ON
A
head and shoulders photo of Brandon (shot from below, by Josie) about to pour
from a bottle of Maple Syrup.
The
next photo is a shot of Brandon's bare chest and tummy.
CLOSE
ON VENUS as she looks that the next photo in the series - her eyes opening wide
in wonder.
VENUS
Wow!
Talk about well hung!
OLIVER
is looking over VENUS' shoulder; his eyes wide.
OLIVER
I
don't think 'hung' is the right word!
VENUS
looks at another photo of Brandon. A close shot of his face.
VENUS (wistful)
Cute
lips.
A
FEW MOMENTS LATER.
VENUS
and JOSIE alone together, a few yards from OLIVER, NOTCH and the HOSTESSES -
all laughing over the photos.
JOSIE
It's
been fun pretending to be you.
VENUS
grimaces. She's not so sure.
VENUS
I'd
quite happily stop pretending to be someone else and be 'me' if I knew who the
real 'me' was.
JOSIE
I
think you only discover that when you stop pretending to be someone else.
VENUS
Is
that why you don't want to act?
JOSIE
No,
because when I'm acting I'm only pretending to be an actress. It isn't 'me';
being an actress, if you know what I mean. But when I'm designing clothes…it
really is 'me' designing them. So all you've got to do is discover the thing
that gives you that 'this is me' feeling…
VENUS
That's
what I feel when I'm onstage.
JOSIE (laughs)
You
should have been my mother's daughter; not me.
A
HOSTESS looks at her watch and addresses JOSIE, VENUS and OLIVER, all the other
passengers having boarded.
HOSTESS
I'm
afraid you have to board now.
VENUS
and JOSIE hug. NOTCH and OLIVER shake hands, then hug also.
NOTCH
and JOSIE walk back towards the lounge. VENUS calls out:
VENUS
Wait.
As
she runs towards them, she rummages around in her shoulder bag, takes out one
of the parcels tied with a ribbon, hands it to JOSIE.
VENUS
Something
to remember me by.
OLIVER
calls out.
OLIVER
Come
on Venus! We'll miss the flight.
259 INT. SERVICE CORRIDOR. DAY
NOTCH
and JOSIE run, hand in hand, down a service corridor.
260 INT. BATHROOM. DAY
JOSIE
and NOTCH run into an airport bathroom but stop when they see:
The
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL, in his underwear, confronted by THREE UNIFORMED POLICE.
POLICEMAN
Now
let me get this straight, Graham! A man held you up at gun point, stole your
uniform, left his own clothes here and there just happens to be $500 in the
pocket!?
A
SECOND POLICEMAN is holding Notch's clothes and a wad of money.
261 INT. AIRPORT LOUNGE. DAY
NOTCH,
in Josie's wig, Josie's jacket (much too small for him) walks with all the
dignity he can muster towards the automatic doors leading outside. He picks up
a newspaper someone has left on a seat and holds it up to cover his face. THREE
POLICEMEN can be seen, looking for the perpetrator in a stolen Customs uniform.
262 EXT. AIRPORT. DAY
As
JOSIE and NOTCH cross the road outside the Departure Terminal, he gives JOSIE a
wad of $100 bills.
NOTCH
Now
just renew ya bloody visa so you can...
JOSIE (laughs)
Learn
to sew?
A
large hand grips JOSIE’S arm. JOSIE turns and looks into the maliciously
smiling face of MAX.
MAX
Terence
has been very embarrassed by that VHS, Venus. Very embarrassed. His standing in
the community has been diminished.
As
he talks, MAX snatches the wad of money from JOSIE.
MAX
After
the trust he put in you!
NOTCH
Now
look here, mate…
NOTCH
hands the newspaper to JOSIE and prepares to take on MAX. With a flick of his
wrist, MAX sends NOTCH sprawling to the ground.
MAX
So,
if you and your friend would like to get in, Terence would like to have a
little chat.
JOSIE
become aware of the limousine that is trailing them, TERENCE in the front seat
and a couple of HOONS in the back. NOTCH is back on his feet in a moment, fists
upraised in a fighter's pose.
NOTCH
Come
on ya big gorilla.
MAX
smiles maliciously at the (comparatively) small man in front of him and moves in
for the kill. With unexpected speed and agility NOTCH kicks MAX in the balls.
As
MAX screams and falls to the ground, the wad of money explodes and the $100
bills are scattered by the wind.
TERENCE
stops the limo and THE HOONS get out. NOTCH adopts a karate stance.
There
is now a small crowd of eager onlookers (chasing after the $100 bills flying
around) and TERENCE indicates to the HOONS to get back in the car.
263 INT. 'FERAL TOURS'. SUNSET
NOTCH
is driving. JOSIE is in the passenger seat. She puts the newspaper up on the
dash.
NOTCH
Black
belt.
JOSIE
You
didn't tell me…
NOTCH
Lots
of things I haven't told you. Shit! (A BEAT) That money would have come in
handy.
JOSIE
How
much do you need to get Feral Tours up and running?
NOTCH
Five
grand, by next week, if I want to be ready for the tourist season.
JOSIE
grimaces, looks at the parcel on her lap that Venus gave her. She opens it up.
Inside is the bible Dorothy and Neville gave her.
NOTCH
“The Lord will provide.”
JOSIE
bursts out laughing.
264 INT. PLANE. SUNSET
VENUS
and OLIVER fasten their seat belts. VENUS is puzzled.
VENUS
But
you can do all that computer stuff yourself. You don't need me.
OLIVER
I
can't do the hacking part.
VENUS
Why
not?
OLIVER
Because
it's against my principles.
VENUS
Thou
shalt not steal?
OLIVER
nods. VENUS looks worried.
265 EXT. OUTBACK ROAD. SUNSET
FERAL
TOURS drives towards the setting sun, JOSIE looks at the bible in her lap and
remembers.
JOSIE
“Pick a passage, any passage,” Dorothy said to
me “and you'll find the answer to all of life's questions right there.”
NOTCH (grins)
Well,
open her up and pick a passage.
JOSIE
opens the bible. In the hollow that has been cut there are five wads of green
$100 notes.
JOSIE (shouts)
Five
grand.
NOTCH's
eyes light up!
NOTCH
So
you will be able to stay and...
JOSIE
No,
This is your money. For Feral Tours.
NOTCH
But…
JOSIE
Destiny.
Venus'
mobile phone rings. JOSIE takes it out of her bum-bag; answers it.
BRANDON'S VOICE
Josie,
babe, that $5,000 I owe you! Well, I got an advance from the record company
and...well, I deposited it in your bank account. I had to forge your
signiature. I hope you don't mind, babe!
JOSIE
shakes her head in amazement.
JOSIE
Thanks,
Brandon. Bye. Love you.
JOSIE
winds down the window, kisses the pink phallic mobile phone and hurls it from
the window. In slow motion it spins off into the mulga scrub. As JOSIE turns to
NOTCH with a huge and radiantly happy smile the burst of inrushing air hits the
newspaper on the dashboard and it explodes, pages flying every which way - some
out the window.
Seen
from outside, in slow motion, Notch's Troop carrier drives off into the sunset
as newspaper pages swirl in the air. As the front page of the newspaper spins
into frame the image freezes so that the text can be read:
PENTAGON ATTEMPT TO BLACKMAIL
PRIME MINISTER EXPOSED
The
credits begin to roll on one side of the screen as a newsreader is seen on a
television screen on the other side.
NEWS READER
An
anonymous whistle-blower has exposed a Pentagon plot to blackmail the Prime
Minister of Australia into signing into law legislation which would...
THE
CREDITS FREEZE AND 'DISINTEGRATE'
266 INT. PLANE. SUNSET
VENUS,
sits beside OLIVER on the plane. OLIVER prepares a Scotch-on-the-rocks for them both (from
mini-bottles). VENUS, quite agitated, unscrews the top of a bottle of
pills.
OLIVER
If
you dress like Serena and act naïve and innocent like Josie…
VENUS
But…
OLIVER
You
are such a great actress, they'll never suspect that the woman they've employed
is a top notch hacker!
VENUS
Great
actress!
OLIVER (nods)
Just
this one last job and you'll have enough money not to need to pretend to be
anyone else ever again.
As
VENUS looks at the pills in the palm of one hand and the whisky-on-the-rocks in
the other hand, the Hostesses voice is heard over the flight intercom:
HOSTESS (voice off)
We're
sorry, ladies and gentleman, about the delay. We should be cleared for take off
in a few minutes…
OLIVER
looks on with some concern as VENUS stares at the pills and her whisky.
Calmly
and with the beginnings of a smile on her lips, VENUS tips the pills into her
drink, puts the glass on the tray and turns to a mystified OLIVER:
VENUS
I've
just realized something.
OLIVER
What?
VENUS
I've
already done my last job.
She
smiles at OLIVER - for whom the implications of what she has just said have hit
home. FREEZE FRAME
The
credits continue to roll on one side of the screen as the story continues on
the other side.
267 EXT. KAKADU. SUNSET VIEWING
PLACE. SUNSET
CLOSE
ON RANDY
RANDY
Sweetheart,
this is the money shot. Gimme all you've got.
Behind
RANDY the large film crew can now be seen - amongst them LARRY and DELORES.
VENUS,
dressed exotically (a Josie Higgenbottom design) stands about 10 feet away from
a young man, whose athletic torso is seen from behind but whose face we do not
see.
RANDY
You
ready, Rhonda?
VENUS/RHONDA
nods a little nervously.
RANDY
Roll
cameras. Action.
VENUS
walks up to the young man, puts her arms around his neck and kisses him lightly
on the lips. She pulls away from the kiss, a smile on her face.
RANDY
And
cut. Perfect…
VENUS
kisses the young man again, passionately this time. He reciprocates.
RANDY
Cut,
Rhonda. I said 'cut'.
To
one side of the set, alongside Notch's now completely restored FERAL TOURS
vehicle, JOSIE and NOTCH, each of them wearing exotic colourful shirts, laugh
as they watch:
VENUS
and the YOUNG MAN kissing passionately. As they finish their kiss and their
heads part, we see that the YOUNG MAN, a big white smile on his happy face, is
BRANDON.
VENUS
laughs with unbridled joy, her face then settling into a radiantly happy smile.
FREEZE
FRAME
The
End
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