Sunday, April 19, 2015
# 5 JINXED
…following from # 4 JINXED
249 EXT. SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE gets out of a bus, walks in through the entrance to Sydney airport.
250 INT. LUGGAGE CHECK-IN SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE checks in her luggage. The AIRLINE CLERK, JOSIE'S ticket in her hands, exclaims:
It's not often we get two passengers with the same name on the same flight.
JOSIE'S jaw drops.
251 INT. AIRPORT CUSTOMS. DAY
CLOSE ON a British passport photo of Josie (with short pink hair) with JOSIE HIGGENBOTTOM written alongside it.
CUSTOMS OFFICER (voice off)
…And you're not taking more than $5,000 of Australian currency out of the country.
VENUS, her hair short and pink, speaks with a very convincing English accent that makes her indistinguishable from Josie.
I wish I had $5,000 to take!
The CUSTOMS OFFICER nods, takes a small parcel out of Josie's carrybag, wrapped in colorful paper and tied with a ribbon.
And what’s this Miss Higgenbottom?
A present for my mother.
The CUSTOMS OFFICER takes out another similarly wrapped parcel.
For my father.
The CUSTOMS OFFICER looks into her bulging bag.
I've got a big family.
The CUSTOMS OFFICER nods and replaces the parcels. As VENUS moves off to join OLIVER a familiar voice shouts out:
JOSIE standing on the receiving side of Customs, looks at VENUS, who runs back through the barrier to JOSIE, throws her arms around her and gives her a big hug.
PASSENGERS and AIRPORT STAFF alike are amazed by the two pink-haired twins hugging. In a whisper:
Don't call me Venus for God's sake! What are you doing here?
I'm on the same flight as you.
As Josie Higgenbottom! You can't. I've just checked in as you.
I know, but…!How?
With your passport.
JOSIE, bewildered, looks at the passport in her own hands.
Your replacement passport.
But I haven't lost my passport!
Yes you have. I've got it. Have you checked in yet?
No, when I found out that you'd… already checked in as me…
Shit! The computer's going freak if another Josie Higgenbottom goes through Customs.
Why can't you fly as Venus?
Because my real name's Rhonda and…I've got all these unpaid fines and…
That's not my problem, Venus. I want my identity back. Pay your fines and…
VENUS suddenly has an idea.
My fines! Okay, I've got a plan. You still got that Serena wig?
JOSIE nods. VENUS rummages around in her shoulder bag, takes something out, suddenly hugs JOSIE.
VENUS surreptitiously thrusts a blue Australian passport into JOSIE'S hands as she whispers in her ear.
Here's what you've got to do.
252 INT. WAITING LOUNGE. AIRPORT. DAY
VENUS talks on her mobile phone, a credit card in her hand, speaks with a deep masculine American accent.
Yes, mam, I will be paying off ALL of Rhonda Patterson's fines…
Closeby, OLIVER speaks on his mobile phone.
Yes, I'll be paying for Rhonda's ticket with my AMEX card.
253 INT. LUGGAGE CHECK-IN SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY
JOSIE, wearing the 'Venus' wig she wore at FETISHES (and as ‘Serena’), stands at the check-in counter - dealing with the same AIRLINE CLERK who dealt with her earlier as Josie.
Ticket for Rhonda Patterson?
Yes, it just came through…
254 INT. ENTRANCE TO SYDNEY AIRPORT. DAY
NOTCH runs in through the front doors of the airport
255 INT. AIRPORT CUSTOMS. DAY
CLOSE ON passport photo of Venus with long wavy brunette hair.
VENUS can be seen in the background, waiting nervously (OLIVER is buying 'Duty Free'), as the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL looks at the passport photo of Rhonda (Venus) and then up to the:
Smiling face of JOSIE. He looks at the passport photo again and back up to JOSIE before stamping it.
Hope you have a good trip, Rhonda.
256 INT. DUTY-FREE AREA. DAY
JOSIE joins VENUS and a bewildered OLIVER, walking through the duty-free area, towards the boarding areas.
Would one of you ladies please explain to me…
257 INT. CUSTOMS. DAY
As NOTCH runs into the Customs section he sees JOSIE, VENUS and OLIVER disappearing into the distance. He shouts out:
JOSIE doesn't hear him. She keeps walking. NOTCH moves to run after her but a UNIFORMED CUSTOMS OFFICIAL stops him.
I need to talk to my wife, who is just about to catch a flight?
I'm sorry, sir.
NOTCH leans close, pleads with the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL.
If I grovel?
Groveling won't help, sir.
How about money!? If I offer you money?
Are you trying to bribe a Commonwealth Official?
Come with me.
258 INT. DEPARTURE LOUNGE. DAY
JOSIE, along with VENUS, OLIVER and other passengers, is just about to board the plane when a CUSTOMS OFFICIAL (seen only from behind at first) appears at JOSIE'S side.
Excuse me, Miss.
JOSIE turns, looks at the CUSTOMS OFFICIAL in shock. It is NOTCH in a Customs Official's uniform.
Look, Josie, I been all over it in my mind and I love you and if you leave now I'll never see you again and…
You lied to me about Delores?
I didn't. Look…
He produces a packet of photos, takes a photo out and hands it to her. JOSIE doesn't look at it.
Well, how do you explain Delores' pink knickers in your shower…
They weren't Delores's. Just ask Oliver here. Sorry, Oliver, but…
I trusted you and…
Would you please just look at the photo, Josie.
JOSIE looks at the photo and reacts with horror!
Holy frigging Moley!
Photo of Josie, taken from behind (at Notch's) - her back and bottom exposed as she talks on the pink phallic phone.
NOTCH, realizing his mistake, opens the packet of photos.
Shit! Sorry. Wrong photo!
The packet of photos slips from his hand and scatters on the floor. VENUS helps him pick them up. NOTCH finds the one he is looking for and shows it to JOSIE.
This is the one.
Oliver, at Notch's, resplendent in pink thong knickers and pink bra.
So it was Oliver you slept with, not Delores!
NOTCH laughs. As VENUS looks at photos of Brandon taken with the yellow cardboard camera, OLIVER is looking over JOSIE'S shoulder at the photo of himself in pink underwear.
Can I keep this?
A head and shoulders photo of Brandon (shot from below, by Josie) about to pour from a bottle of Maple Syrup.
The next photo is a shot of Brandon's bare chest and tummy.
CLOSE ON VENUS as she looks that the next photo in the series - her eyes opening wide in wonder.
Wow! Talk about well hung!
OLIVER is looking over VENUS' shoulder; his eyes wide.
I don't think 'hung' is the right word!
VENUS looks at another photo of Brandon. A close shot of his face.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER.
VENUS and JOSIE alone together, a few yards from OLIVER, NOTCH and the HOSTESSES - all laughing over the photos.
It's been fun pretending to be you.
VENUS grimaces. She's not so sure.
I'd quite happily stop pretending to be someone else and be 'me' if I knew who the real 'me' was.
I think you only discover that when you stop pretending to be someone else.
Is that why you don't want to act?
No, because when I'm acting I'm only pretending to be an actress. It isn't 'me'; being an actress, if you know what I mean. But when I'm designing clothes…it really is 'me' designing them. So all you've got to do is discover the thing that gives you that 'this is me' feeling…
That's what I feel when I'm onstage.
You should have been my mother's daughter; not me.
A HOSTESS looks at her watch and addresses JOSIE, VENUS and OLIVER, all the other passengers having boarded.
I'm afraid you have to board now.
VENUS and JOSIE hug. NOTCH and OLIVER shake hands, then hug also.
NOTCH and JOSIE walk back towards the lounge. VENUS calls out:
As she runs towards them, she rummages around in her shoulder bag, takes out one of the parcels tied with a ribbon, hands it to JOSIE.
Something to remember me by.
OLIVER calls out.
Come on Venus! We'll miss the flight.
259 INT. SERVICE CORRIDOR. DAY
NOTCH and JOSIE run, hand in hand, down a service corridor.
260 INT. BATHROOM. DAY
JOSIE and NOTCH run into an airport bathroom but stop when they see:
The CUSTOMS OFFICIAL, in his underwear, confronted by THREE UNIFORMED POLICE.
Now let me get this straight, Graham! A man held you up at gun point, stole your uniform, left his own clothes here and there just happens to be $500 in the pocket!?
A SECOND POLICEMAN is holding Notch's clothes and a wad of money.
261 INT. AIRPORT LOUNGE. DAY
NOTCH, in Josie's wig, Josie's jacket (much too small for him) walks with all the dignity he can muster towards the automatic doors leading outside. He picks up a newspaper someone has left on a seat and holds it up to cover his face. THREE POLICEMEN can be seen, looking for the perpetrator in a stolen Customs uniform.
262 EXT. AIRPORT. DAY
As JOSIE and NOTCH cross the road outside the Departure Terminal, he gives JOSIE a wad of $100 bills.
Now just renew ya bloody visa so you can...
Learn to sew?
A large hand grips JOSIE’S arm. JOSIE turns and looks into the maliciously smiling face of MAX.
Terence has been very embarrassed by that VHS, Venus. Very embarrassed. His standing in the community has been diminished.
As he talks, MAX snatches the wad of money from JOSIE.
After the trust he put in you!
Now look here, mate…
NOTCH hands the newspaper to JOSIE and prepares to take on MAX. With a flick of his wrist, MAX sends NOTCH sprawling to the ground.
So, if you and your friend would like to get in, Terence would like to have a little chat.
JOSIE become aware of the limousine that is trailing them, TERENCE in the front seat and a couple of HOONS in the back. NOTCH is back on his feet in a moment, fists upraised in a fighter's pose.
Come on ya big gorilla.
MAX smiles maliciously at the (comparatively) small man in front of him and moves in for the kill. With unexpected speed and agility NOTCH kicks MAX in the balls.
As MAX screams and falls to the ground, the wad of money explodes and the $100 bills are scattered by the wind.
TERENCE stops the limo and THE HOONS get out. NOTCH adopts a karate stance.
There is now a small crowd of eager onlookers (chasing after the $100 bills flying around) and TERENCE indicates to the HOONS to get back in the car.
263 INT. 'FERAL TOURS'. SUNSET
NOTCH is driving. JOSIE is in the passenger seat. She puts the newspaper up on the dash.
You didn't tell me…
Lots of things I haven't told you. Shit! (A BEAT) That money would have come in handy.
How much do you need to get Feral Tours up and running?
Five grand, by next week, if I want to be ready for the tourist season.
JOSIE grimaces, looks at the parcel on her lap that Venus gave her. She opens it up. Inside is the bible Dorothy and Neville gave her.
“The Lord will provide.”
JOSIE bursts out laughing.
264 INT. PLANE. SUNSET
VENUS and OLIVER fasten their seat belts. VENUS is puzzled.
But you can do all that computer stuff yourself. You don't need me.
I can't do the hacking part.
Because it's against my principles.
Thou shalt not steal?
OLIVER nods. VENUS looks worried.
265 EXT. OUTBACK ROAD. SUNSET
FERAL TOURS drives towards the setting sun, JOSIE looks at the bible in her lap and remembers.
“Pick a passage, any passage,” Dorothy said to me “and you'll find the answer to all of life's questions right there.”
Well, open her up and pick a passage.
JOSIE opens the bible. In the hollow that has been cut there are five wads of green $100 notes.
NOTCH's eyes light up!
So you will be able to stay and...
No, This is your money. For Feral Tours.
Venus' mobile phone rings. JOSIE takes it out of her bum-bag; answers it.
Josie, babe, that $5,000 I owe you! Well, I got an advance from the record company and...well, I deposited it in your bank account. I had to forge your signiature. I hope you don't mind, babe!
JOSIE shakes her head in amazement.
Thanks, Brandon. Bye. Love you.
JOSIE winds down the window, kisses the pink phallic mobile phone and hurls it from the window. In slow motion it spins off into the mulga scrub. As JOSIE turns to NOTCH with a huge and radiantly happy smile the burst of inrushing air hits the newspaper on the dashboard and it explodes, pages flying every which way - some out the window.
Seen from outside, in slow motion, Notch's Troop carrier drives off into the sunset as newspaper pages swirl in the air. As the front page of the newspaper spins into frame the image freezes so that the text can be read:
PENTAGON ATTEMPT TO BLACKMAIL PRIME MINISTER EXPOSED
The credits begin to roll on one side of the screen as a newsreader is seen on a television screen on the other side.
An anonymous whistle-blower has exposed a Pentagon plot to blackmail the Prime Minister of Australia into signing into law legislation which would...
THE CREDITS FREEZE AND 'DISINTEGRATE'
266 INT. PLANE. SUNSET
VENUS, sits beside OLIVER on the plane. OLIVER prepares a Scotch-on-the-rocks for them both (from mini-bottles). VENUS, quite agitated, unscrews the top of a bottle of pills.
If you dress like Serena and act naïve and innocent like Josie…
You are such a great actress, they'll never suspect that the woman they've employed is a top notch hacker!
Just this one last job and you'll have enough money not to need to pretend to be anyone else ever again.
As VENUS looks at the pills in the palm of one hand and the whisky-on-the-rocks in the other hand, the Hostesses voice is heard over the flight intercom:
HOSTESS (voice off)
We're sorry, ladies and gentleman, about the delay. We should be cleared for take off in a few minutes…
OLIVER looks on with some concern as VENUS stares at the pills and her whisky.
Calmly and with the beginnings of a smile on her lips, VENUS tips the pills into her drink, puts the glass on the tray and turns to a mystified OLIVER:
I've just realized something.
I've already done my last job.
She smiles at OLIVER - for whom the implications of what she has just said have hit home. FREEZE FRAME
The credits continue to roll on one side of the screen as the story continues on the other side.
267 EXT. KAKADU. SUNSET VIEWING PLACE. SUNSET
CLOSE ON RANDY
Sweetheart, this is the money shot. Gimme all you've got.
Behind RANDY the large film crew can now be seen - amongst them LARRY and DELORES.
VENUS, dressed exotically (a Josie Higgenbottom design) stands about 10 feet away from a young man, whose athletic torso is seen from behind but whose face we do not see.
You ready, Rhonda?
VENUS/RHONDA nods a little nervously.
Roll cameras. Action.
VENUS walks up to the young man, puts her arms around his neck and kisses him lightly on the lips. She pulls away from the kiss, a smile on her face.
And cut. Perfect…
VENUS kisses the young man again, passionately this time. He reciprocates.
Cut, Rhonda. I said 'cut'.
To one side of the set, alongside Notch's now completely restored FERAL TOURS vehicle, JOSIE and NOTCH, each of them wearing exotic colourful shirts, laugh as they watch:
VENUS and the YOUNG MAN kissing passionately. As they finish their kiss and their heads part, we see that the YOUNG MAN, a big white smile on his happy face, is BRANDON.
VENUS laughs with unbridled joy, her face then settling into a radiantly happy smile.